Zimbabwe: Can you spare a dime? Nickel? Anything?!

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I may only have a backpacker's budget but this blackpacker still has more Benjamins than Zimbabwe. According to the country's Finance Minister, Tendai Biti, Zimbabwe only has itty-bitty $217 in its gov't account; Yes, as in two hundred and seventeen US dollars.

Hahahahahaha! Damn.... 
Excuse me as I laugh again: Hahahahahaha!

However did President Mugabe fuck up things this atrociously! Bet folks are rethinking 'bout those good ol colonial days right about now.

Yeah but I still look good

The importance of dismissing volunteers

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At Lulu.com, the online publisher, there is a forum for volunteers to share their tips - page formatting, uploading steps, marketing, etc - with other users. But this has gone to the heads of some users. You know how full-time firemen tend to get annoyed by die-hard volunteer firemen?

Those who can't, teach; and those who can't do that, diss & moan 

About a handful of these volunteer 'experts' presume themselves bona fide literary critiques because all they do is live online giving their two cents here and there to aspiring writers; and they do it online because real live people don't trouble themselves with them. It matters a great deal who compliments/criticizes you. And, so, when they started at me with toxic messages about my latest book (A Travelleer Other) I had to wonder who these people thought they were? 

Because I know they are not 

• bestselling authors or
• 'make-or-break' publishing houses or
• sought after editors or
• renown critics or
• even filthy rich writers

They are merely virtual somebodies which is a backhanded way of saying they are nobodies or, as I like to use my little Latin, personis non grata. Those who can't, teach; and those who can't do that, diss & moan. One opined I wouldn't succeed because the majority of book buyers are white (and then proceeded to impersonate Ebonics). Another griped about my misleading, boring book cover. Still another questioned my motives for travelling altogether. To these self-important volunteers I replied, "Sorry I gave you the impression your two cents matter to me. They don't." Exeunt Stage Right. 

Anywho, I don't principally write my travel stories (Don't Go To Canuckistan) for Romney's 47% anyway. Hello! 

My new book !!

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Available in ebook next month

More 'schwule' than San Francisco

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Germany: where homophilic propaganda is de riguer. You don't have to know German to get the gist of this billboard...and you don't have to have 20/20 vision to suspect the man in the picture would ever reproduce because it's a biological fact of Reality that men cannot bear children. In celebration of National AIDS Day this man has a baby! 

Welcome to modern times. 

Verily, Alice had an easier time making sense of Wonderland. 

Alex Jones outsmarts Piers Morgan

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Piers Morgan is shit. Or, in British parlance, a liddle shyte. He by no means fills the shoes of his predecessor Larry King - how he ever got the job is a wonder! - or even comes close to good interviewing in the same league as Oprah Winfrey, Wm F. Buckley, Jr; Barbara Walters, Tom Snyder, or Ted Koppel. Morgan is not a class act interviewer or warming host and we all know his journalist credibility is atrocious. 

Alex Jones loudly gives Morgan a big dose of cura te ipsum

Piers Morgan is a smarmy, clever twat whose English accent, let's face it, still rings high-brow and charming to foreign ears -- until you get beyond the accent and hear how stupid and priggish he really is. But as clever as he is he wasn't clever enough for radio host Alex Jones.

Alex Jones loudly gives Morgan a big dose of cura te ipsum and does not fall for the T.V. host's tricks of manipulative banter and slippery slope factoids. 
Click the following link to see it for yourself:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2258827/Piers-Morgan-Alex-Jones-explodes-CNN-interview-gun-control.html

Worldstar HipHop (VIDEO)

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We can do away with vulgar reality television or Maury Povich or that punk twat Jeremy Kyle (and his British counterpart in California, Piers Morgan) but, good ladies and gentlemen, you dying breed, we still have by-standing 'free-lance' provocateurs & pirates always eager to hold up their cell phones and record un-shining examples of humanity. Whether it be some poor soul mobbed, pushed in front of oncoming vehicles, or simply beat up the modern Good Samaritans know the best tool of assistance is to whip out the cell phone video. 

by-standing 'free-lance' provocateurs eager to hold up their cell phones and record un-shining examples of humanity

If Kitty Genovese lived during these times she'd be a viral STAR rather than an academic footnote in Social Psychology 101...albeit an oft quoted one. And who doesn't want to be a star? And that's the point! But not everyone can go to  college to study psychology as this mother recently learned the hard way when New York City encountered the mighty Hurricane Sandy. It's what you may call a Kitty Genovese redux. Alas, Glenda Moore, too, must settle for the margins of crib notes; no selfish bastard giggly video recorded her demise.

But that's neither here nor there. It's STARS we want; Individuals just perfect for the camera; and you can find oodles of them on the Internet at World Star Hip-hop...courtesy of innumerable, anonymous people just like you. 
Exempli gratia:     

Lisa Steed is bull dyke bitch

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Another documented case in point of why I don't trust pigs: Utah Highway Patrolman, Lisa Steed FINALLY got fired - two months ago - for persistent police brutality and is now staring down the barrel of a class action lawsuit for her corruption.

why is it that real life policewomen nearly always look like bull dyke lesbians?

Seems Miss God-complex habitually bullied and arrested innocent people, falsified charges and was not trigger shy about using the Taser gun (another reason why I am not spellbound by the short-sighted anti-gun criers: those with guns brazenly abuse those without guns. It's a fact: the Wild West wasn't nearly as shoot-'em-up as Hollywood Westerns portray!). Her particular specialty was slapping motorists with hefty DUI crimes -- for which the bitch was rewarded with "Trooper of the Year" in 2007. Still believe policemen don't have quotas to fill?

(video clip)

Since Lisa Steed is no rookie on the Force this means her criminal behaviour - and it is criminal - was not only habitual but callous id est I'm above the Law because I am the Law!  What she is is a cow. Seriously, why is it that real life policewomen nearly always look like bull dyke lesbians...and isn't that really, after all, what a masculine bovine amounts to?

 Mooo. Burp!

Michael Jackson: IMMORTAL

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Amazing transitions from one pop hit to the next with tunes ranging from The Jackson 5 to "Blood On the Dance Floor" and, of course, it wouldn't be a Cirque du Soleil production sans fantastic impossible costumes, soaring, flipping, twisting acrobats and contortionists, and dance numbers that rivaled the lighting and video effects.

Read more: Don't Go To Canuckistan....

President Obama is...

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In case the world does end this year, he's still:

Quote this, itch!

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Believe it or not, each of these are bona fide quotations. Put that in your pipe and smoke it:

take that Oscar Wilde, you pansy poof

and then God got his ass 
in gear: Hello Global Warming!

ooooh yeah...and don't I know it!

I know about Steve Saemmler Klein

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Where in the world is Steve Saemmler Klein...ripping off more rich dummies desperate to hide their moolah in offshore accounts?

The German native Mr Klein, or SSK as he wants to be cooly nicknamed, had a good thing going down in corrupt Cancun, Mexico, and Belize City. I should know. I worked for him. Hell, I lived in his compound and mansion. It was sick.
No, really. I hated the work; and, as no less a figure than Aldous Huxley noted, Belize is the end of the world.

Is he still unmarried and diddling little boys in Third World countries?

I was just thinking about the pear shaped Mr Potato head today. Where is that fat, rich faggot nowadays? I wondered whilst sitting on the toilet. Is he still unmarried and diddling little boys in Third World countries? Is he still fleecing rich dummies left and right? Or has the man turned over a new leaf and joined a monastery in Croatia?

Those are just make believe nonsense questions. I have real stuff on "SSK" and his right-hand henpecked assistant, Herr Mueller. Just ask me!
Or these forums:

• http://www.belizeforum.com/belize/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=119444
• Grupo Cat - Offshore Alert

Yo Steve I thought we were boys. Call me!

ciao

Greek xenophobia: I told ya so!

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Why are white people always 'surprised' by accounts of racism? To read the news articles, you'd think these reporters lived under a rock. Or just try telling folks first-hand experiences: White peoples' eyes start out of their hands like it's the most incredible, fantastic Marco Polo story they ever heard in their lilly white lives.


On top of Greece's comeuppance rioting over austerity measures the Greeks have to confront another irritating reality: racism. They were fine with degrading and disrespecting dark-skinned foreigners so long as life was going well for themselves; but now, what with the economic crises hitting home, xenophobic Greeks hear the wolves at the door -- and blame the far poorer darky 'nobodies' than their own fat, corrupt uncles. Racist attacks increase on the streets. 

The far-right Golden Dawn party - gotta love that name - claims no credit for immigrants' increasing discomfort in Greece but, standing by their anti-immigrant platform, ain't shy about tut-tutting, I told ya so!

Something to smile about

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Smile. Because you're anonymous you when right about now it sucks to be either:

I lied about saving lives during 9/11 to feel like a hero

this guy

or this guy

But I still nailed Sheryl Crow this many times!

and definitely this guy
 

 

Munsters in the White House..?

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Who needs Photoshop when Reality speaks for itself? Just look at Paul Ryan's hair line! 
This is too funny. 

Will you vote like Homer Simpson?

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It's just a month away. Get ready to vote, suckers. I won't bother with it...but you probably will.
Good luck!

Slave sought on Craigslist

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Below is an actual ad posted on Craigslist Berlin. This brutally cheeky albeit unreal - but honest! - job description is spot-on for my post-graduate job hunting experiences...right down to the "female" requirement:

Native English Female Office Slave (Charlottenburg)

Officially, we are offering an internship in ecommerce, but it's really a slave-position - there is nothing to learn here. Our company sucks, our products suck and our boss is a nightmarish caricature, combining the worst character traits of Jay Gatsby, Eric Cartman and Pinocchio. Your tasks will be mundane, point- and mindless and the office's general atmosphere is hostile or apathetic, depending on the boss' presence and mood.

Only reply, if:

You are desperate and have no expectations
You are a native speaker of the English language and female
You have a CV and some kind of college education

• Location: Charlottenburg
• Compensation: 600
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 3315317579

Easier to step on you when you're lying down

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I don't use Facebook. Nearly everyone I know does (along with two handfuls of other social networking applications). Nearly everyone I know must be a very important professional though, for the life of me, I can't see it; and they're regularly late so...so much for multi-tasking and organization. Maybe that's the curse of popularity: one can't walk two steps without stopping to shake a hand or deliver someone's baby. And as they are so well known all of their business is online...right there for the taking.
At this rate, we'll be putting spying out of business!

Hear what Alan Dershowitz has to say about privacy standards in the modern world:

Pope in faggot porn...?

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Did you hear the one about the Pope, a seminary student with a big dick and screwing boys on camera? Oh there's no punchline. See, that's just it: it's no joke. A fag douchebag named George Duroy owns Bel Ami, a gay porn company, and claims to have actual footage of goings on in the Holy See in his upcoming xxx-video Scandals in the Vatican.

Want to read more? Click here. 

half a dozen fuckmeats holding me...all so young
and yummy and sweet!! Who's first?

I'm becoming a Mormon

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So this is what all the murderous fuss is about?! This painful cinematic production of god awful amateurish acting and costume and set design?! Goddamn, Islamists are thin skinned (or is the bon mot barbarian?). 
Hundreds and hundreds of American soldiers keep dying because of bad wars in Arab lands and now a handful of American diplomats in Arab lands have died because of a bad - id est shitty quality - two-bit motion picture -- online. I've seen better special effects and acting in porn videos!   
This trailer is as upsetting to watch as a whole Steven Seagall movie BUT if Muslims rule the world - tsk, tsk, tsk - it'll be the death of us all.

 INNOCENCE OF MUSLIMS

Fuck this. Bring on Brigham Young. Booyah!  

Wabash man. Unemployed man

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My Wabash degree doesn't mean shit.

My college years were, really, the happiest of my life; and, per mirabile, I would travel in time to loop through those  undergraduate semesters. But since graduating over ten years ago that college degree has only gotten me one - one! - job and that job, incidentally, was the first and only one which directly applied to my studies.

Outside of that isolated work 'experience' I've had to interview before and work alongside and under people who have never completed a year of studies let alone graduated from university.

worthwhile sheepskin, my ass 

And now, once again, I have no job...no future. Administrative assistant...copywriter...hotel reception...dishwasher...locker room attendant...military officer...museum guide...retail (clothing)...translator...sales? Nothing. I've applied for them all -- around the world. Nothing! If any employer gives a damn about this college degree, then it probably amounts to something colored by resentment; at best, indifference. Don't believe that White lie about Americans not wanting to work certain jobs. Employers hire desperate immigrant labor because they prefer it that way: cheap, desperate, dumb, expendable.

Wabash College degree: A worthwhile sheepskin, my ass.