I know about Steve Saemmler Klein

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Where in the world is Steve Saemmler Klein...ripping off more rich dummies desperate to hide their moolah in offshore accounts?

The German native Mr Klein, or SSK as he wants to be cooly nicknamed, had a good thing going down in corrupt Cancun, Mexico, and Belize City. I should know. I worked for him. Hell, I lived in his compound and mansion. It was sick.
No, really. I hated the work; and, as no less a figure than Aldous Huxley noted, Belize is the end of the world.

Is he still unmarried and diddling little boys in Third World countries?

I was just thinking about the pear shaped Mr Potato head today. Where is that fat, rich faggot nowadays? I wondered whilst sitting on the toilet. Is he still unmarried and diddling little boys in Third World countries? Is he still fleecing rich dummies left and right? Or has the man turned over a new leaf and joined a monastery in Croatia?

Those are just make believe nonsense questions. I have real stuff on "SSK" and his right-hand henpecked assistant, Herr Mueller. Just ask me!
Or these forums:

• http://www.belizeforum.com/belize/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=119444
• Grupo Cat - Offshore Alert

Yo Steve I thought we were boys. Call me!

ciao

Greendot prepaid cards = ANOTHER SCAM

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Avoid the trap of buying one of these cards. Consumer complaints about them and PayPal are eerily similar: THEY TAKE YOUR MONEY and give you the runaround about sending out an investigation team.

 

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Q:

WHAT'S RED & WHITE ALL OVER AND RACIST AT EVERY BORDER?

A:

it's no riddle to this but it's a big wonder that

a "dangerous" threat to Canuckistan's borders

is a young man who is black 

(period omitted because there's more to come...)

Liberal bullshit in Puerto Vallarta

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The Puerto Vallarta Scene Forum is an all-around news & gossip electronic bulletin board. Open to almost anything except unless it is contrary to the webmaster and the other liberal narrow minds who live on it. I get it. I do: Canadians and Americans flock to Vallarta to escape people who don't think like them, to work on that permanent tan, to make their savings stretch, to patronize Mexicans (and Mexican hustlers).


It was that last part which so irked the forum webmaster who calls himself Freeeye. When I posted the following critique against the Antropology Bar

Freeeye's knee-jerk reaction was to call me a right-wing nut and accuse me of slander...because, apparently, anyone who doesn't like a part of the Vallarta scene is a neo-con, neo Nazi, Sarah Palin supporter, right-wing nut, bigot; I've been called them all by "open-minded" people who seem to never leave the computer. Losers are as losers do. If you find fault with any aspect of Old Vallarta's affluent hippy and/or homosexual dogmas, then surely you are, to sum the above names, a bad man.

I'm a muckraker other. Other, referring to those "communities" who think their shit don't stink owing to their anti-war commitments

Why would the webmaster (and the others, all foreigners and, I suspect, all white) take exception to my piece on the Antropology Bar? (Click above link show me the racism!) Maybe the bar owner, Jose, is his drinking or butt buddy? Or maybe, like so many other gringos, Freeeye is just another exploitative expat and likes to get his rocks off with the cheap chichifos. Consequently this made me the unwanted whistle-blower (click 'exploitative' link to see how I upset the Vallarta Scene liberal hypocrites) and I've been permanently banned. Ob la dee, ob la da. This is why I've never cottoned to these electronic social boards: they are nearly never discussions and they are always a waste of time.


But I'm not just a whistle-blower. I'm a muckraker other. Other, referring to those "communities" who think their shit don't stink owing to their anti-war, anti-GOP, heterophobic commitments. Wake up! Republicans, Christians and straight people don't own racism and bigotry.


I'm sure Freeeye et al. also took massive exception when, after posting about his marriage to a "professional whore" and a son who was a "pimp-- his words, not mine - I informed him:  1) he was sharing way too much (irrelevant)information and suggested 2) maybe he should marry another "whore." 

No wonder Freeeye's avatar is that of a hobo cat. Booyah!

Vallartascene.com

Paranoia causes security scare II

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A family man wearing a plain T-shirt with the small message "Freedom or Die" on it was asked to change his clothing by security personnel. Said the security officer:

Some airlines get a bit worried by T-shirts with what you have got on, it might be a bit threatening.

The UK airport has apologized for the "overzealous" gaffe, stating it has no T-shirt slogan policy, but the incident highlights the fickleness of all this high security measure bull and, incidentally, reminds us of the great safety compromise before us: freedom or death?

To a govt, freedom is not always an attractive thing to encourage in its citizens. At present we have high-alert fear tactics fronted as security measures that are cowing us into paranoia, willing to give up all personal information along with jewelry, loose change, shoes and flip-flops, belts, hats, pens, pen knives, hand lotion, liquids, lunch, manuscripts et cetera. 

Paranoia causes security scare

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In the latest reported airplane scare a young Orthodox Jew's religious equipment sent off suspicion and concern. The boxes he was strapping to himself (phylacteries) appeared to one passenger akin to explosive devices and this alarmed passenger alerted the plane staff who, in turn, alerted the pilot and the plane was promptly diverted to Philadelphia.

Turns out the phylacteries were as innocuous, if not a tad ridiculous, as a birthday party clown. But, hey, who knows in this day-and-age, right? After all, if fingernail clippers, water bottles and pen knives can torpedo a plane out of the sky, why shouldn't undue suspicion be aroused by dynamite looking objects?

This latest scare isn't any less preposterous or more offensive just because the suspect was a Jew.

Mike Krumboltz suggests this episode "clearly highlights the need for more cultural understanding." Really? Sounds to me like Mr Krumboltz is giving this incident an unwarranted anti-Semitic claim. In fact, the entire piece reads tolerantly of this airplane scare. I doubt the same measure of tolerance or "cultural understanding" would be shown were the individual Arab looking or dark skinned. Were Mr Krumboltz to express two cents on the reversed scenario I think it unlikely the man would forgive it as cultural misunderstanding; rather the sentiment would ring along the lines of better-safe-than-sorry. This latest scare isn't any less preposterous or more offensive just because the suspect was a Jew.

If anything the security scare was a result of our heightened climate. Paranoia transforms goblins and threats out of everyone else's appearances and behaviours. The "see something, say something" public announcements are a benign way of encouraging civilian spies (and counterproductive in big cities like NYC or LA where freaks and strange, often mentally sick, behaviour is de rigeur) as if folks wouldn't otherwise report possible danger. 

Paranoia transforms goblins and threats out of everyone else's appearances and behaviours.

Mass paranoia lives by 'better-safe-than-sorry' and 'you-never-know' which, taken for a life creed, amounts to cowardice and moral impotence. A nail file presents no danger to a commercial plane anymore than baby formula but governments and the security industry would have you misthinking differently because, well, hey, you never know.

And you never will know once you stop thinking and abandon common sense. 

Drug cartels have opened killing season

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I return to Mexico so often because I like the easy living and weather and language, but its charming primitiveness is fast on its way to returning to barbarism. Already a Third World country known for its poverty, cheap labor, drugs and soccer, Mexico's traditions are itching to re-light a powder keg that will have blood running in the streets and heads poached on sticks...or used by twisted beaners as soccer balls. 

Two weeks into 2010 and drug cartels have made their evil intent clear: We crazy sonsofbitches are here to kill all who interfere. Kill or be killed

No drug trafficking mayhem is evident here in beautiful, touristy, homophilic Puerto Vallarta; but I probably wont be returning next year.

Two weeks into 2010 and drug cartels have made their evil intent clear: We crazy sonsofbitches are here to kill all who interfere. Kill or be killed. Law of the Jungle has no place in any civilized country or society.

Today, sixty-nine---sixty-nine!---murders blotted pig scanners. Sixty-nine murders in one day. Lest you mistake them for simple gun slinging desperados the henchmen are fond of torture and chopping up bodies and discarding the remains in public as gruesome calling cards. Destruction is not removed from creativity. One victim, a word to be applied loosely as nearly all the unfortunates tend to have some connection to the cartels, was a former pig whose face was removed and stitched on to a soccer ball. They do love soccer! 

With "happiness" like this who needs madness?

Poverty is NOT at the root of this diabolical terror. Nor is illiteracy. Loads of places have poor and stupid and unhappy people but they don't reek havoc and terrorism on the country because they're, what?, without. Mexicans like to brag about being, among other things, the happiest people in the world. Some rag like Reader's Digest, which a few years back also purported NYC was the most hospitable American city, gave them such an advancement and they cling to it. With "happiness" like this who needs anger or madness?


Certainly not tourists.

On marriage. More criticism (Mexico's sham play)

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Mexico has legalized same-sex marriage. And?


My lack of faith in marriage hardly needs further encouragement but this "historical" sham by our Third World neighbor is further proof that marriage is whatever the hell you think constitutes it. As the legislature pats itself on the back for some supposed advancement in civil rights let's give a one-handed clap and ask, And?

Now that Juan and Jose can cement their love---where? in a Catholic church?---and sneer at America for being backwards what real progress has Mexico made on any real front? 


It is still common practice for prosecutors to punish rapists by obligating them to marry their victims. What a bright idea! Forget earning cents to the peso, women are downright simply second-class citizens; the reality is cruder for indigenous people---whom Mexicans slander as "Indians"---as a whole. Sexual harassment hasn't even reached the debate of being politically incorrect. Nearly all indoor jobs go to femenino applicants while masculino applicants with zero education work outdoor jobs. Jane clean, Tarzan swing. The largely unsolved 400+ female homicides since 1993 in Ciudad Juarez is still hopefully under investigation (click here).

this "historical" sham by our Third World neighbor is further proof that marriage is whatever the hell you think constitutes it

If the country has any child labor laws you certainly can't tell. For those children that aren't working, they are likely begging. Pity and charity are nurtured at the tit and from the cradle.


The education system, like the court system and driving regulations, is incomprehensible to a foreigner. I know citizens who have no education and the social graces to prove it, and then those who perpetually re-enroll in universidad armed with a vocabulary loyal to freshman year and, yet, there is not a chasm of difference betwixt their worldview or economic or social standings. They say school is mandatory but I see school-age children during all hours of the day, night and late night.  


Corruption goes hand in hand with promotion.
Drug cartels are fierce and ruthless and, chillingly, in some cases, celebrated and respected by the people as Robin Hoods. Mexico's witness protection program doesn't trouble itself with new identities and practically lists the addresses of participants. Coyotes, human traffickers, are actually looked upon as good, viable options as opposed to, say, education, discipline, honest living. Bribery, like racism, is rationalized.

Birth deformities and old people beg in the streets like displaced circus geeks

Guadalajara's professional soccer team Club Chivas, for one, bars non-Mexicans from joining its organization even if the athlete has dual citizenship. Only 100% Mexicans can play on their roster. People in Guadalajara think they're not racist---but they are. The government prohibits non "100%" Mexicans from running for many political offices irregardless if one is now third generation citizen. Apparently a chink shall never become a real beaner and don't you forget it, muchacho! In fact I've NEVER seen a Asian person working outside of an Asian store; never behind a bank teller's window, or in a Burger King, or a gas station or a Cineplex or a supermarket anywhere I have travelled in the country. Guatemalans are not welcomed.


There is no welfare system of which to speak. Birth deformities, accident survivors, and old people beg in the streets like displaced circus geeks, giving drunkards and lazy ass indigenous mothers competition. (Btw, don't give money to those little old poor women sitting on the sidewalk. It only encourages their dishonesty and lack of dignity. I know for a fact they wouldn't work if you offered them something to do. Fuck 'em.) 

A chink shall never become a real beaner and don't you forget it, muchacho!

Ecologically, recycling is still a fad. Automobile pollution is just another one of those things that can't be helped---like solving kidnappings or crime, in general. And, last among the least, the well memorized advisory: DON'T DRINK THE WATER.   

But, wow, now Juan and Carlos can giggle and introduce the other as his husband. Progress.

The old Oriental con (Pt.2)

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But it gets better: Afterwards I ran into those Turkish rats three times! The first one happened the following day, in fact.

Twice I passed that half of the con duo in Old Istanbul and he was as shameless about the matter as nothing, calling it a "job"...and suggesting I get in on it. Ha! What can one do but laugh?

No, I told him, lying and cheating is not a "job", it's a con game with no integrity or class. But one cannot reason with the criminal mind. So I told him that if he shaved his undoubtedly hairy Turkish ass I would be glad to bugger him and let bygones be bygones. He smirked and huffed and made fun of my lips...but he did not say no. Egad! (Then I remembered the word no is not in the new Turkish lexicon.) A few nights following that I was walking through Taksim up the ever bustling Istiklal Street with another young traveller from the hostel when I happened upon the other scoundrel and caught him in the act.
I couldn't believe my luck. I coolly walked up along the other side the potential victim and said, "Don't believe a word he says. This motherfucker is pulling a scam."

I torched his ass red-handed, folks, I torched his ass!

He was piiiiiiiissed and took to screaming all sorts of profanities and whatnots. If only you could have seen the look on his smarmy face. Better yet, you should have seen the delighted look on mine. I had a goooood, hearty laugh. Me and the other guys walked away laughing at that rat. HAAA-ha-ha-ha-hahahaha! I torched his ass red-handed, folks. I torched his ass!
Unlike his partner-in-crime he was not a good sport about getting busted (and I did not ask him to shave his bum. Hehehe)

Click here to read Pt 1

When to leave home without it (Pt. I)

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You're off to work, to school, to workout, to hang out, to chill out, to shop, to travel, to go out, or simply leaving the house and, like clockwork, you never leave home without it. I don't have to tell you what "it" is; you already know. Like indispensable motherly advice -- look both ways before crossing -- common sense hygiene -- wash hands before eating -- and basic arithematic --100 / 2 = 50 -- you, no doubt, are hard pressed to ever leave the house sans a bank card or credit card (or cell phone). Most folks will likely forget to turn off the iron or lock themselves out of the house before exiting without the almighty plastic.

We have learned never to leave home without it but, y'know, that is one habit worth unlearning at times as a recent experience has reinforced for me. Being the budget traveller that I am my spending habits run the gamut from cheap to cheaper. I make use of my debit card about as freely as I'm called upon to perform CPR. My preference is for real tender and I carry as much as I can stand to spend at any one time. Better to be caught short and return the next day than to have regrettably bought a shitload of souvenir crap or designer jeans or six rounds of €80 drinks.
Eighty euro drinks, what what?!

For the what, where, who, and why do read on what, what. A common scam in these parts is to invite an unsuspecting foreigner to a disco, make a jolly sucker out of him, then drop all pretense and stick him with the bill which amounts in the ridiculous sum of hundreds of euros (odd they don't bill in Turkish liras; odder still I did not hear of this dirty Turkish trick until after the fact).

return my black ass to Nigeria and never come back

Whilst sitting one evening working to convince myself of the pleasure of the water pipe -- I ordered coconut -- a friendly English speaking local (red flag #1) plopped himself down (red flag #2) and initiated conversation. As he was well dressed I assumed he was a student, rich kid, businessman or fellow traveller and, admittedly, was glad to communicate with someone sans elaborate gestures that would make even a professional mime scream aloud. Turns out he was a businessman (red flag #3) and was so full of jam and compliments (red flag #4). It was his last night in Istanbul so was I up for some carousing and sexy, sexy sluts? Was I! My name ain't not Rufus Wainwright for nothing. Who knows, maybe that water pipe was kicking in! At any rate, with his business partner, a short and hairy chested man with a distinctly Roman haircut, in tow (red flag #5) we three jumped in a cab (red flag #6) and left Taksim (red flag #7) for the Hilton Hotel. But, first, we stopped at a club (red flag #8).

I immediately pegged the tacky neon haunt a training ground for gold-digging Russian mail-order brides (red flag #9) and a money drainer, but the short chap assured me it was on them. All right, if I don't have to pay then bring on the Alize! In no time the sexy, sexy sluts joined us at our table (red flag #10) and, as prejudice would have it, they were Russian, no less (red flag #11). Naturally drinks were ordered for them -- by the two "businessman". After chatting and laughing and dancing and toasting, the one fellow leans in to ask if I would be paying with cash or credit card (red flag #12).

"Me neither," I smiled. "This is your treat. I have no money."

It was at this point I smelled a rat and called over the cheap suit who appeared to be the manager and asked him point blank: Did you hire these two to bring me in here? Are you all working together? He, of course, denied it and we four proceeded to the back office to continue the farce; but in short order all masks were abandoned. No more cautionary flags were needed.

I saw clearly the scam into which I fell; but I was cool. They lied and screamed foul play, they said it was I who invited them, they threatened and swore; but I was cool. The manager demanded my credit card and said he would kill me; but I was cool. They hurled racist declarations and demanded again my credit card; but I was cool. I even pulled out my mobile and pretended to call my lawyer.

Bottom lines were one, I really had no credit card to fork over and just five liras in my pocket, and two, these men were despicable scam artists. The why? Because they're low-lives -- racist low-lives, at that. After the farcical shakedown around the Mulberry bush made it clear yours truly was a broke sucker I was told to return my black ass to Nigerian.

With pleasure.

coolness is something I never leave home without

And with that I hopped my black ass in a taxi and got as close to Taksim Square as five liras would take me. Now the bigger albeit misleading lesson to take from this is not to trust a nice Turkish man who speaks English and wants to buy you a drink. Or not to get in a car with strangers; But when one is a wanderlust stricken traveller like me, why, everyone is a stranger, including myself.

No, the take home from this is to leave the infinite and tempting credit card in the room with the rest of the valuables when on holiday. If I had had my debit card I would have been robbed of €400---and no sexy, sexy slut is worth that much whisky and cola. That and keep cool.
Now coolness, that is something I never leave home without.

Daggers in Turkish smiles

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In Act 2, Scene 3 Macbeth famously cautions, "There's daggers in men's smiles." As a global traveller I say it plainly: Turkish smiles are about as reliable as wooden nickels...one should know to distrust them as imitations of the real things.

In this case, the Act ıs long-runnıng and the Scene, around every corner, kebab stand, and mosque. And don't think that because the typical Turk has darker complexion than his Nordic counterpart - and is an all so humble Muslim - that he is above racism. Ha! Nıgga, please.
In tomorrow's entry (Black and back in Shitstanbul) I relate my experiences as black man in Instanbul. If you don't know, then do prepare yourself for an unflattering dosage of reality 'cause I don't mince words.